A Child’s Dignity

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Imagine being a baby.

Your body isn't yet totally under control. You try to walk and your legs wobble under you. Drool pours out of your mouth involuntarily. You want to grab something but your hands don't seem to listen to you.

On top of that, you're entirely dependent on another human to keep your body in good order. They wipe your butt, they suction your boogers out of your nose, they wipe the food off your face.

To really make it impossible, you can't even clearly communicate to your caretaker. You can't tell them that you have an itch above your left ear or that the tag on the onesie is digging into your skin. You just kind of babble or cry and hope they figure it out.

Where is the dignity in any of this?

According to the Oxford dictionary, "dignity" is defined as, "a sense of your own importance and value".

I consider one of my biggest jobs as a mom is to preserve and bolster my kid's dignity.

I want him to grow up to be a productive member of society. But if the world is going to see him as important and valuable, he needs to see it in himself, as well.

Early Start

There's a lot of study and evidence to back up the fact that the early years of a person's life are incredibly important. Birth to 8 years old are called the "formative years" because this is the time period where the child forms their attitudes, conclusions about the world, goals, etc.

That's not to say that one's character doesn't change later in life! (Thank goodness for that, because I was not a fan of the person I was at 8 years old!) But the fact remains that at a young age, kids are like sponges.

My husband told my one year old a few weeks ago that "mama is poopin". My kid repeated "poopin" and we laughed. Now he knows that "poopin" is hilarious.

I see him watching us, mimicking our actions and generally figuring out the world around him.

I consider that this is the best time to start instilling some core values, dignity being among them.

But he can't even wipe his own butt…

So how do you develop self respect and dignity in this impressionable baby while you're simultaneously reminding your tiny human not to stick their fingers in their poop.

I don't know that I have the whole answer to this, but I'll tell you where I start.

To begin with, a child is a human. Just as you'd treat another adult with respect and dignity, so you should treat a child. After all, they are simply a human whose body isn't fully grown.

Baby talk

For some reason there's an expectation that adults should speak to babies in a different way than other humans. This strange goo goo ga ga gibberish language does not feel natural to me. I find it a bit bizarre, honestly.

Imagine you're at a restaurant, ready to order your food. The waitress comes over and gets in your face and with a fake smile, squinted eyes and an unnaturally high pitched voice says, "Oh hewwo there! Do you want some nummy nummy wum wums? Do ya? Do ya? Yes, you do! Oh yesh you do, I know you do!"

This is not normal human behavior.

Babies and kids understand a whole lot more than we give them credit for. Additionally, they look to adults to set an example of how to behave.

I speak to babies and children the same way I speak to adults. The content of our conversations may be different. My voice and the language in which I speak are not.

Power of choice

Where possible, I allow my kid to make his own decisions.

This is not to say I let him do whatever he wants. I firmly believe that overly permissive parenting is not healthy. Children need structure and guidance.

Today I took my one year old out for a walk. He decided he needed to sit down to inspect a rock. In the middle of the road we were crossing. He was adamant about it so I let him.

Just kidding. I picked him up, much to his (loud and violent) disapproval and removed him from the middle of the road.

I do, however, try to create opportunities for him to make his own choices and have a sense of being able to control his world.

For example, when he was just a couple months old, we started letting him choose his PJs every night. We would hold up two options and let him grab the one he wanted. It was quite cute to watch. Some nights he would immediately and enthusiastically lunge to his pajamas of choice. Other nights he would take his time, studying both options and deliberating for some minutes before making his selection.

Another example is at meal times I try to give him a few different foods to eat and allow him to decide which ones and how much of each he wants to have.

Giving him some power of choice over his world seems to help him gain confidence, so, where possible, I make an effort to facilitate that.

Try not to interrupt

How obnoxious is it when you are deeply focused on a task and someone comes up to you and starts yakking about something, completely interrupting your concentration? Very. It's very obnoxious.

As an adult, it's easy to dismiss a child's activities as "unimportant". Honestly, sometimes it even takes some work to figure out what a child's activities are!

You might look over at your baby and think he's just staring at a wall. But on closer inspection you may find that he is carefully studying the play of shadows coming through the window. This may be a task that calls for intense focus on his part.

Sometimes my little one will be working really hard at some task, like trying to twist a top off of some container. I might get the urge to give him some well-intentioned words of encouragement, "you got this, bud, you can open it!". Instead I try to curb this urge and allow him to give his full attention to the task at hand. My words would only be an unnecessary interruption.

Usually, once he completed the task, he'll look at me in triumph. This is when I give him an acknowledgement for a job well done.

Alternatively, if he's struggling and wants help, he will look at me and let me know. If he breaks his own focus, I can jump in to help or encourage.

I'm not gonna lie, this one is hard for me and it's something I'm constantly working on.

In closing

I believe there are countless ways in which a parent can bolster their child's dignity. Too many ways to list here.

Ultimately, I think it comes down to the golden rule: "treat others as you would want to be treated".

We all wish to be treated with dignity and respect. If we embody these values in our interactions with our kids, not only will we increase their sense of importance and value of self, but we will also be setting a good example for them to follow.

You don't have to be perfect. I know I'm not. I haven't found a dignified way to tell my little dude to stop grabbing his penis during bath time and I doubt I ever will.

But a relationship built on respect and dignity is a valiant goal and it's one I will continue to work on for the duration of my journey as a mama.